off the grid

i'm going rogue.
off the grid.
charlie's angels.
full throttle.

NO SOCIAL MEDIA JUNE. (it's a new thing i just started...now) 
i reactivated my facebook a little less than a month ago and today i deactivated it. i deleted my vine and instragram apps. i only decided to keep blogging because i think i would lose my mind without writing. plus, without facebook, only two people read my blog so it's not like i'm actually social media-ing. 

it's just me & myself & little ole' i for this month.
because i had an epiphany this afternoon on the phone with char. 

with all these new advancements in technology to be "connected" or "plugged in", i have become so disconnected from my real life that i stopped living. i've unplugged. i've checked out. i stopped being fun. i don't think it has to necessarily all do with social media but i think it does a perfect job of distracting us from having to deal with real life. 

yesterday i had such an amazing day with tara in santa cruz. after the sun set and the darkness was highlighting the beautiful glow of the boardwalk we hoodie'd up and started walking across the sand, through the dark, to the lighthouse at the end of the beach. and when we finally reached it tara pulled out her camera to take pictures and i sat. i sat. i listened. i breathed in the smell. i felt my out of shape heart beating fast in my chest. and i remembered for the first time in a long time that i am alive. the funny thing is tara came and sat next to me and said something along the lines of, 
"being up here makes me feel so close to God and alive."
exactly my thoughts. 

and today on the phone i realized i miss that feeling. i miss my heart beating fast. my blood pumping thick. i miss living in the grey.

because i am so black and white.
right and wrong.
yes and no.

no grey.
no maybe.
no possibly.

i don't know when i stopped being a sometimes and up for anything kind of gal. somewhere between moving home and getting sucked into a life i wasn't necessarily wanting i lost the part of myself i love. i lost my spunk. my fire. my light. my pep in my step. 

and i want it back.

so, i'm going off the grid. i thought about canceling my phone for a month or turning it off but once again i'm trying not to be SO extreme and ease my way into it. so i'm cutting off facebook. i'm cutting off instragram. i'm cutting off vine. i don't even have a twitter i use but if i did i wouldn't be tweeting anymore. i'm going simple. 

i want to figure myself out again. i was to learn how to connect with people face to face again. and i want to be fun again. like, truly, really, authentically fun. 

so here i go. two days into june and i'm tuning out.
i'll see you all on the other side.

xoxo