Friday, July 27, 2012

words//or lack thereof

sometimes i feel like words evade us. abandon us. leave us in the dissolution of our minds. where they once filled into the nooks and crannies they have vanished. not a single preposition, noun, or linking verb in sight. and where they use to spill over the edges, cups running over, they have run dry. words are the lifeblood of life. they have the power to build and the power to destroy. they can make hearts break and make hearts grow two sizes. words, to me, are such an important thing. they create. they shine. they love. and they are alive. because words give us the ability to put our hearts on paper.

and as of late i haven't had very many words. i have sat staring at a blank screen for hours and haven't been able to write a single word. that flashing line taunting me in my anguish. flashing every two seconds and just waiting to be pushed across the page, yearning to break onto a new paragraph. and it isn't that i haven't been thinking. or analyzing. or creating stories in my mind that i so desperately want to write down. it's that when the time comes it's no man's land in my mind. i resort back to short basic sentences because i don't have anything else to say. when talking to my best friend about what's been going on all i could say is, "i'm tired." i tried so hard to describe to her what's going on but after fumbling over my words i settled on the same sentence ive been repeating the past few weeks. again all i could said was, "i'm. tired."
because i AM tired. hell, i've been exhausted. mentally and physically. to the deepest part of my core.

and i don't have anything to say. even now. i want to write what's been going on in my mind and heart but i can't. because i have no words. not a single one.

that's the funny thing about words. sometimes they can be a beautiful thing. you can use a million words to describe nothing and sometimes you can use just one to describe everything. 

and then there are times.
like these
when a million words--or even one really big word-- can't seem to grasp a single emotion. 
no matter how hard you may try.
sometimes all words fall flat. 
when all there is left to do is close your eyes and embrace the uncertainty in silence.
and get wrapped up in the storm.

so here i am-- writing to say i can't write.
that's a funny statement.
because all these words i have written so far don't mean much.
there is no heart in them.
and though my fingers have typed them i am not in them.
i'm lost in my mind somewhere.
but i know someday soon i'll be back again.

i'll find my words and my footing.
so until then...

i leave you with some others words.

She had always wanted words, she loved them; grew up on them. Words gave her clarity, brought reason, shape.” 
-Michael Ondaajte

“I am simply of the opinion that you cannot be taught to write. You have to spend a lifetime in love with words.”
 -Craig Claiborne

"I swear to you. There are divine things more beautiful than words can tell."
-Walt Whitman


1 comment:

  1. Even in your writing about not writing,,,, created a perfect image and spoke volumes.