Sunday, April 19, 2009

things on my mind

These past couple weeks have been really difficult for me emotionally. Everything that is going on in my body is overwhelming at times, especially combined with everything else that has been going on. I feel almost like im walking through life right now and watching myself pass on by. I feel like I am no longer in my body and I am just wasting time. School is on my main to do list because I want to graduate and get on with my life but I still have no idea what I want to major in. I think religious studies would be awesome, or psychology. I have so many passions but nothing I could see myself doing for the rest of my life. I love art and music. History and mythology. English and religion and so many more things. Ive also been stressing because I found out from my doctor that it might be a huge risk for me to have children and that seriously shook me up. One of the only things I can see myself being is a wife and a mother. I cant wait to be pregnant and experience that wonderful gift God gives us. Only time will tell and God will provide what he believes best. I know with school I just need to trust him and step aside and let Him take the reigns. Thats something I definitely need to work on. Im going to pray for guidance and patience. At club retro last night I got prophetized over which is something I had never done before. It felt a little weird but the things the girls said felt so true to me. One girl told me that God wanted me to know that I was beautiful because thats something I have been struggling with. And the other three women said that they kept getting words like seeds and volcanos and that I am going to make a mark on this planet by planting seeds of Christ in everyone who I come in contact with and like a volcano the magnitude of Gods love will be great. To me that was such an awesome thing to hear. I want to live my life spreading the love of God to everyone I see. Its not about me, its all about him. I pray I dont lose sight of that.

This memory verse kinda stuck with me this week.
"Here I am Lord, send me." -Isaiah 6:8

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