every once in a while, when i can't sleep, i slip on your old t-shirt the green one with the stain on the collar. the one i've buried deep in my closet dozens of times. just to dig back out shortly after. the one i use to wear every night to bed because it made me feel close to you.
on nights like tonight i pull the shirt over my head and i swear it fits like it's made for my skin. i tuck myself into my covers and wrap my arms as close to my chest as possible. i try my best to be taken away to sleep even though i know it's going to be another night of staring at the dark ceiling. the scent of you has been long washed off and though it is only a t-shirt it bears so much more than that to me.
it is a reminder of the evenings i watched you watch me from across the room. those eyes, trained weapons, softly watching me float across the room. carefully eyeing my every move. your hardened creases in your forehead lightening when i lean in close to tell you something funny. it is a reminder of the nights you brushed my hair back and whispered beautiful onto my skin. the moments when i had to catch my breath between your kisses that stole them away. it is a reminder, a photograph, of every emotion, every tear, every blush, every smile, and every second i spent dreaming of a you and me. of every blink i took to try to wake up from the dream i was convinced i had fallen into.
and though all those moments are long gone. and i can no longer recall the number of calluses on your hands anymore, tonight, i am allowed to go back and remember. i am granted a pass to slip on your old t-shirt you don't know i still have and pretend that for one night it is still real. that i am back to that summer where the july heat set a backdrop for the love we never had the chance to have. and though our romance was fiery and passionate it burned out before we could catch fire.
but tonight i will remember the good.
i will remember the beautiful.
i will remember what it felt like the first time i put on this old t-shirt.
and it will take me away to a place of dreams.