Monday, August 8, 2011

my little window

we all have our places. the ones we retreat to, run away to, and find peace in. the one place in the whirlwind of life that can give us indescribable happiness.
while being in florida i was afraid i wasn't going to have any time for myself. i wasn't going to be able to find a place here for my own. but i was wrong. i have my little window.

my whole life i have always wanted a window in my room. i wanted to put picture frames along the window sill and hang pretty curtains that dance in the wind throughout the night. i would lay in bed at home with my ceiling fan buzzing away wishing so badly that i could have summer nights blowing in on me instead of this artificial air. but sadly my room has an ugly sliding glass door and stained blinds that crackle and clank every night when i toss and turn.

but here in florida, in my little guest bedroom upstairs filled with my friends moving boxes from three years ago and her husbands dress blues hung up patriotically in the closet, i have finally had an answer to prayer. i have a little window right next to my bed. my mattress on the floor allows me to be a few inches below the window sill which creates a perfect resting place for my chap stick and books. but its not just the window that makes my heart race. its the nights when i crack my window ever so slightly to hear the frogs ribbiting throughout the neighborhood. its the hot sticky breeze that creeps in and sweetly moistens my cheeks before it is evaporated by the air conditioning and ceiling fan. and its the mornings when the florida sunshine pours in through the little horizontal blinds i cracked to the perfect degree. its waking up to a sun lit bedroom and rolling over to see puffy clouds welcoming you to the sky. and its the hour or two i spend laying in bed reading my book that is illuminated by the sunshine. its all those things and even more.

and some might think i am crazy for loving a hole and glass in the wall so much but its not what the window is. its the refuge and happiness the window brings me. it gives me a good morning alarm when the time is right and a good night kiss when sleep isn't coming. its everything i need and want to find a piece of myself in an unfamiliar place.

and all i know is tomorrow when i am laying in my own california bed after almost a month of being away, i will be grateful for the crisp sheets and comfort but missing my little twin mattress on the floor next to the window i always dreamed about and thankful i got the opportunity to find a little bit of myself because of it.

1 comment:

  1. everything about this is sweet and pure and lovely. That last sentence is breath-taking.

    I never knew how much you wanted a window and I love that I can read this and know just a little bit more about the person you are.

    This is definitely one of my favorite pieces you’ve ever written.