Sunday, November 22, 2009


im finally done waiting for you to care about me. i shouldnt have to wait around for you to make up your mind if im important or not. i should mean something to you. i should matter to you. but i dont. i never did. and i never will. and as much as that hurts to swallow i have to take it for what it is and walk away. i have to remove you from every aspect of my life. so i dont have to see you anymore. so i dont have to hear your name. so i dont have to think about you anymore. you never deserved your second chance. or third. or fourth. and all the other ones i let go. but i was willing to compromise for you. because you meant so much to me. i was willing to do anything for you because i wanted to give you the world. how could i fall so fast for the wrong person? i dont really dont know if i regret meeting you or not but all i know is i regret wasting my heart on you. i gave you everything. my time. my heart. my morals. my love. anything you wanted you could have had it. but it wasnt enough. i wasnt enough. you "settled" for me. i cant believe you thought you were better then me. ha. i never knew you were funny. i guess you learn some things when its over. im just glad it ended when it did. thats one good thing you did for me. you let me go before i lost everything in you. i guess i can thank you for that. but other then that you were all bad for me. a sickness...plague...sucking the life out of me. even after you still haunted me. every night i dreamed about you. and every morning it hurt a little more. i would have you again at night in my dreams. then you would leave me again every single night. i would wake up with a new wound morning after morning. i dont actually know when they stopped or if they did. i dont remember my dreams anymore. i try not to. because 99% of them were nightmares. i kept waiting for someone else to come along so i could distract myself but it doesnt work that way this time. i have to suffer through it by myself. but thats okay. because im okay by myself now. i dont need anyone. especially you. but in all reality i never had you. because you never wanted me. i was just there. available. someone to entertain you and make you feel good. boost your self esteem. but guess what? im better then you. thats the one thing i can say confidently. i always was. everyone told me i was but i didnt want to believe it. you arent going anywhere. you have no drive. you have no adventure. you could have been something great, and i would have helped you. but its too late now. its never going to happen. you will never have me again. you will never be able to use me again. you will never be able to try to prove me wrong if you ever wanted too. because im holding out for someone better. someone who is the BEST for me. someone not all my friends worry about. someone who doesnt make me lose sleep and my appetite. someone who will love me for all of me. someone who will care about me. someone who will give me the world and then some. someone who loves God with all his heart and wants me to better myself. someone who motivates me. someone who makes me feel good about myself. someone who isnt you.

i dont miss you.
i never want to be with you ever again.
i just want to forget you.

God that was strange to see you again
Introduced by a friend of a friend
Smiled and said 'yes I think we've met before'
In that instant it started to pour,Captured a taxi despite all the rain
We drove in silence across Pont Champlain
And all of the time you thought I was sad
I was trying to remember your name..
.This scar is a fleck on my porcelain skin
Tried to reach deep but you couldn't get in
Now you're outside meYou see all the beauty
Repent all your sinIt's nothing but time and a face that you lose
I chose to feel it and you couldn't choose
I'll write you a postcard
I'll send you the news
From a house down the road from real love...
Live through this, and you won't look back...
There's one thing I want to say, so I'll be brave
You were what I wanted
I gave what I gave
I'm not sorry I met you
I'm not sorry it's over
I'm not sorry there's nothing to save

1 comment:

  1. wow, this was extremely sad and heart-breaking to read.

    those lyrics are perfect.

    i am glad he went away so you could move on.