Friday, June 19, 2009
my brother has compeltely lost it. he packed a bag of clothes and is going to get dropped off in the mountains. he has no money. no food. no cell phone. no tent. nothing. i have no idea what hes doing. i just wish he would be normal. he wouldnt drink. he wouldnt smoke. he wouldnt do drugs. he wouldnt yell and cuss and hurt me. my phone life has been constant abuse from him and im finally getting to the point where i dont care if he just disappears. i think he knows that too. i feel responsible for this last episode because i use to be the only one who would understand what hes going through, but now, i dont care about bringing him back. its not my responsibility to make him okay. ive done that my whole life. its not fair to me. its wearing me down. its like he has a spiritual battle going on in his mind and heart and he cant handle it so he explodes. when he left my dad said he say he had a bible in his bag. i hope thats what it is. i pray God will work through him. i know it wont be easy, but i feel he can bring him back. nick just has to want it. this hurts so bad, seeing someone i love so much waste away into nothing. i still love him despite the abuse, despite the pain, names and torture hes put me through. i hope he realizes God loves him a million times more then i do.